Well lately things had been goin down down down. And not in the good way that a guy does. In the way that you feel like shit and think things can't possibly get worse and then the next day you wake up and feel even worse then the day before. That's how I've been lately. I hate that my mood and happiness levels rely completely on how other ppl treat me or how I feel about them.
For example : I shift between being very angry at Mr Kirk Quickstad for leading me on and being extremly upset at him for breaking my heart. I'm also mad at myself for being so dumb as to think I could trust a guy - guys can't be trusted. And the very few who can are already taken by lovely ladies. I also want to just let it go and be with someone else - a Mr Kevin Phillip - but the guy confuses me. We used to date this time last year but it ended up not going anywhere "official" and we simply drifted apart. Now we are both single again and shared a nice night together on new years. I guess my only worry is that things between us are - and have always been - very casual. I find myself thinking of going on dates with him thou. I am upset cause I haven't seen him since new years and everytime I try to set something up for us he can't or cancels. I don't want to have just slept with him once and walk away you know?? That's not how I am - but maybe that's how he is?? He talks about sleeping with me a lot to me. Tells me how he likes it and when I say "ya I understand" he is like "do you? I'll show you just to be sure (;" and I'm like "awe he does actually like me" but then he cancels? I don't get it. I'm trying super hard not to push the matter or anything cause I don't want him to be like "wth? Crazy lady" and ignore me and drift again. But at the same time I really need him right now to be here for me. To replace Kirk. Bad. I know. But I do actually care about Kevin. He is sweet and fun and sexy as hell, and even thou he is only 19 he has so much experience in life. I would like to see where things would go with us - but they might not go anywhere.. And I need to try and know that cause I don't want to be upset over another guy when I'm still way too hurt over the other.... Sighs. Anyways. I will try not to focus on things. It's not easy thou cause it's the main reason I am upset these days.
Anyways.
Ttyl Melissa
You know you have to do what you think is right. I still maintain that you're a strong, smart, beautiful, and passionate lady who will find someone with the same merits sometime. It's hard not to be impatient for it, but you need to calm down, center yourself, and focus on you. If focusing on you means you try dating a few people, then that's what you do. If it means blocking out everything and focusing on school, that's what you do. If it means traveling the world, well there you go.
ReplyDeleteBoys are confusing at the best of times but if you haven't laid out any expectations and it's just a friends thing, you can't expect to know what Kevin's doing. You either let it be as it is, or have that talk (and potentially let go if he's not up for it).
You've come a long way since Adam and I hope you continue to value yourself and the things you can do in life. Stay passionate because you'll need it when you find The One and get back to school full-time. It'll happen.
"Faith is the key to finding the answer you're looking for" remember? I look at that every week to remind myself.
Have faith in yourself and your skills and you'll be fine. Try having some faith in people, too. They might disappoint every now and again, but I'm sure they're trying to do what's right for them and you even if it doesn't seem like it.
xox
Thanks for being here for me thro thick and thin (:
ReplyDeleteilu