The 16 Most Overrated Sex Acts of All Time

Here’s the long-awaited (by whom?) and much anticipated (oh really?) list of the most overrated sex acts of all time. You know, ideas that really seemed good at the time.

Thanks to our fine group of contributors and their astute commentary.



1. Sex on the Beach

“It works in the movie but in real life the beach is sandy, the temperature unpredictable, the mosquitoes, the jellyfish, the police…

“Even the drink sucks.”


2. Sex in Watery Places
(This includes hot tubs, baths and yes, even showers.)

“There’s a constant power play going on. Who gets to stand under the shower head? For how long? Then there’s that awkward changing of positions.”

“Hot tubs, ew. There’s a bacterial, chlorinated element that just shouldn’t be part of any sexual experience. Besides, lubrication is a good thing, not something you want to wash away.”


3. Porn Style Sex

“Porn sex is the Olympics of sex. Lots of head tosses, loud moans, constant flesh pounding. It’s more of an extreme sport than a sexual act. Getting banged hard and repeatedly can have its high points but limits as well.”

“Women lose sensation from too much rough sex. Most guys don’t realize that.”

“There should be a sub-category here for girls who have learned how to give head from watching porn. They try to do that head-corkscrew thing...gimme a break.”


4. One Night Stands
(There was a wide array of views on this. Some found one night stands to be quick, easy, carefree and hot. Others found them to be awkward.)

“Well there’s usually too much booze involved. And weird next morning regret.”

“Is she supposed to stay overnight? I don’t want her to stay overnight. What if she stays overnight?”

“I think it takes a little time to discover someone sexually. It’s kind of a long shot that it will all magically fall into place on the first or only night.”


5. Orgies

“Orgies are a total free-for-all and a little too diplomatic for my tastes. You can’t just say, ‘You get your hands off of me. But you, come here.’”

“There can be hurt feelings, big bellies and overall 70’s pervy weirdness.”

“They kind of gross me out.”

“Who has orgies anymore? Didn’t they fall out of vogue when Rome collapsed?”


6. Sex Involving Food

“Two great tastes that don’t taste great together.”

“Some guy poured hot fudge all over me once. It got all over my new sheets, my blankets…I could’ve killed him. I don’t even like hot fudge, man.”

“Food can be the sexiest thing ever…but before the act itself.”


7. Drug Addled Sex

“Drugs make you feel like the Superman of sex. Unfortunately they can also be the kryptonite. It’s like a sexual mirage in a desert…you want it soooo bad, but…you…just…can’t…get…it.”

“Coke makes you think totally unsexy things are sexy. Next thing you know, you’re asking some chick to hit you in the head with a frying pan to get off…gets real weird.”


8. Sex in Tight Quarters
This would include cars, bathroom stalls and coffins (when you house-sat for your friend whose family owns a funeral parlor.)

“Sex needs a little breathing room.”

“Just make sure the car doesn’t have a stick shift.”

"I had my first gay experience in a closet...how cliche."


9. Sex with a Really Hot Person

“Really hot people are notoriously lazy in bed. Just ask Nicolai in Paris, who had everybody’s head turning. I was so excited he wanted to be with me but when we finally were in bed together, he assumed this corpse-like position, as if to say, (in French accent) ‘You are lucky to have me. Do what you may! I am sleepy. I am pretty.’”

"Giving up the need to have sex with a really hot person is how you know you a) are growing up and b) have had enough sex to be able to tell the difference.”


10. Sex involving Clothes Ripping

“Every once in a while, this caveman act works. But most of the time, I think, ‘You ass, you just ripped my good shirt. Ass.’”


11. Sex Involving Video Cameras

“It’s this little thing I like to call THE INTERNET!”


12. Sex on a Waterbed

A little dated at this point, but man, what a design backfire. The whole raison d’etre for a waterbed was hot sex yet it eluded you at every awkward oceanic turn.


13. Tantric Sex

“This is when white people do a lot of hair stroking and face-cupping. And scented candles. No thanks.”

“One guy I was with prided himself on never coming…or circular orgasming or something like that. Cut to 4 in the morning and I said ‘Dude, give it up. There’s a person down here who needs some sleep!’”


14. Sex with a Large Member

Now this one created a stir. Yes, size does count but the female jury states that width counts more, in the long run. A really large penis limits positions (“Ouch, that hurts. Not that way!”) And bladder infections are never sexy.


15. Sex with a Rock Star

“Well, there's the height factor. All rock stars are 5 feet tall, tops. It’s a well-known fact. Prince is only 3 foot 7 inches. There’s also the neurotic ego element that comes into play [see Sex with a Hot Person above.] Rock stars do make great masturbators, because of their extreme self-involvement. I guess its nice to know you can leave the room in the middle of it all; go make yourself a sandwich, watch TV, whatever. Chances are, you won’t be missed.”


16. Sex with the Legal but Young

"I don't really understand old guys with hot young girls (i.e. Hugh Hefner.) It involves a level of denial that I just can't sustain. I always think, "Don't they know how pathetic they look?" It doesn't seem sexy, it just seems sad.”

“I don’t think age matters much. I’ve been with young guys who seem really sexually savvy and much more ‘experienced’ guys who seem clueless. It all comes down to tuning into someone. If you can do that, it doesn’t matter what the age.”

Earth Hour

DONT FORGET!!! Earth hour is this Saturday night! 8:30-9:30pm!!

I remember last years Earth Hour was so successful! Watching the lights turn off across the world (obviously not at the same time, but still) on the news, and then taking part in it when the time came for us. It was definitely a great feeling!! Being apart of something bigger, stretched across the world!

It started as something small in 2007 in Sydney Australia; the city took a stand for Climate Change.... And over the past 3 years has become a worldwide phenomenon. In 2008 it was estimated that 50 million people participated in Earth Hour. In 2009 - over 1 billion. And in 2010? Well that is up to us!

Some great ideas posted on the CHAT discussion board for things you can do in this hour; read by candle light, sleep, take a walk outside, hangout downtown, play in-the-dark games, go out and look at the stars, or even just enjoy having no power on!
And here’s one I'd like to add - what’s better then cuddling up in the dark with your lover and some candles?? HERES AN EXCUSE FOR ROMANCE!! ♥

There are local events going on for this everywhere across the country, across the world! (Check the official website below), here in Edmonton if you want to take part in this moment - head to Churchill Square for 7:30!!
Other ways to take part if you cant head out of the house, turn off the lights in your home, miss your favourite TV show, skip facebook for the hour (oh come on now guys, you can do it!), no video games or movies or cell phones or ipods... Step away from all the NOISE in the world!

City of Edmonton Earth Hour Event:
http://www.edmonton.ca/environmental/programs/earth-hour.aspx

Official Earth Hour Website:
http://earthhourcanada.org/earthhour/

Official 2010 Earth Hour Video:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FclcMfzjwug&feature=video_response

This is a beautiful example that something small can grow into something huge. 1 idea can become a movement. It just needs the proper nurturing to make it happen.

Nurture a movement; turn off your lights.

on behalf of CHAT (http://www.facebook.com/home.php?ref=home#!/group.php?gid=113379452139&ref=nf)

legs in stockings!

its been way too long since I have checked out this site.. hmm

I have no idea what to write, there have been too many things going on! I am off to WEM right now for the rest of the day.. WISH ME LUCK!!

~Melissa

swirly mode on!

I went to Ice on Whyte on sunday - omg it was so fun!! It was nice to see Cody again, havent seen much of him the last little while.. His girlfriend is BEAUTIFUL!! Im so happy for him! And he is clean and sober now too ever since meeting her, thats so great!! :D :D




Then I went down on the ice slide, it was like bob-sledding only with a krazy karpet!!! lol!!


Speaking of sledding....... I have brusies all over my body from Friday night lmao!! Oh man, my thighs look like they were peppered with many tiny angry fists of furry!!! Its pretty funny actually.

Hmm other then that.. There isnt much to talk about! I took Mandee and Kevin to Cora's yesterday for breakfast, it was fun cause neither of them had been there before so they got to try some new food, and they both really liked it! I love it when people like the food there lol! I myself did not enjoy it..... I had a raspberry for lucie, and decided to omit the cream cheese like I said in my last post.. only..... I was talked into substituting chocolate instead..... oh god. was way too sweet!!! I only ate a a quarter of it then gave up cause I thought it was gross. Should have gotten a panini!!!!!! lol <3 ~~

After lunch (which we were joined by Stephie for) the 3 of us went to see Avatar in Imax 3D.. It was good! I didnt think I would enjoy it to be honest - there has been so much hype over it, and Kirk saw it the day we broke up so I was holding all that against it.. but I really did like it! And it totally is just like Fern Gully lmao <3 ~

Anyways!! Time to get my cute booty out to the gym as I missed it yesterday.. Thanks for reading and keep coming back!!

~Melissa

*~drifting snow flakes~*

Ok I lied, Im not going to write up a blog about Jasper lol!
You guys can see the photos on fb and I pretty much explained it all on the last blog anyways so why bother lmao!!!!

ONTO MORE RECENT MATTERS!!!
I GOT BINDINGS FOR MY BOARD!

*squeeeee* soooooo pretty!! Lol - and they were on sale for $50! So that worked out super good for me lol! I dont want to spend a lot of money on it before I even try it out hahahah.


Other then that I went sledding last night with Sandra.. Oh man..... I am so sore today!! Kinda worries me to what will happen when I go boarding :D
lol

She's covered in snow hahah, it was a riot lol

There hasnt really been much else to talk about since my last post.... I paid off my speeding ticket - but it was only $100 instead of $122!! Weird eh? Thats fine with me thou.... lol I dont mind saving money!!! :P

ANYWAYS!! Thats it for now, stay tuned (;

~ m e l i s

OK!!!

So Ive been really far behind on this.. I have a few different things I want to share today!!



1~ WENT TO JASPER!!!
2~ SAW KRISTY!!!
3~ WORKED WITH STEPHIE!!!
4~ HAVE A CRUSH ON CURTIS (who?? lol)
5~ HARDCORE GYMER W.AMBER
6~ AM GOING TO CALGARY
7~ WTH HAPPENED TO VIC?

Ok.. so lets start with..... NUMBER 5 (just to confuse you :P)

I am becoming obsessed with going to the gym, I want to be there all the time so I can loose weight, get a smaller waist line, and be a more fitter person; able to do cardio and weights and everything without grasping for air. I refuse to look like how I did in the summer - I just recently saw new photos from back then and was blown away at how fat I looked with just an extra 10 - 15 lbs on my body!! my God!!!!! WHY DIDNT ANYONE TELL ME?!? Ah well, I am at 162 lbs right now - yes I did just publically post my weight MY REAL WEIGHT - and the plan is to be down to 150 lbs within the next 2 months, then set another goal to 130 lbs!! I give it 2 months cause I dont want to suddenly loose all this weight and then gain it back just cause its from something like cutting out fastfood or something - what if I decide I want a burger or fries or something one day? Or a crepe....... Damn work lol. Amber is a great motivator for me (: Thank you lady!!!! <3 ~

Now ....... lets skip to.... Number 7!


I drove past Vic today......... check out this photo :S WTH RIGHT?? They RIPPED it apart!!!!!!!! :O :O



Number 3:
Today I got to work with Stephie; I think I may have scared her with my many weird noises to kill time lmao. Then the random Christmas Charol humming........ lol. Had a Raspberry 4 Lucie today.. Talk about death by bitter sweetness!!! Im not a huge fan of the cream cheese filling, I think if I get it again I'll ask for either none or WAY less.. lol


Number 6: I am going to go visit my cousin Jax (Jackie) in Cowtown (Calgary) in Feb for a bit, I'm so excited!!! Already took the time off of work lol. I'll be staying at her place, going to have a dinner with my Aunts and Uncles and Grandma, annnnnnnnnnnd going snowshoeing (or cross country skiing) in Canmore!! Woop woop!!!!


Number 2: As we all know, Kristy has been gone most of the last 2 months, so I was really excited to get to see her on Monday!!


We went for Dim Sum at Good Buddies and did our Christmas Gift Exchange :D then to Cora's to see Stephie Chan.. Who was not happy to be at work with Deb!!! Its okay girlie <3 I love you!!! Keep smiling ~ IN YOUR HEART <~ thats where it matters the most!

Then we were off to Ikea..

then we went for a "mini roadtrip".... Lol we accidently took the first exit on 14 from Whitemud instead of the 2nd :P ended up heading towards Camrose!!!


Hahah it was too funny! Finally we got turned around but.... TOOK THE WRONG EXIT AGAIN!!! LOL!!!!! We took the first exit on Henday, so ended up going West - RIGHT BACK TO IKEA!!!! hahahahahaahah!! I was laughing so hard I was nearly crying lol.

and then she drove me home to grab my gym bag and dropped me off at the gym - which is in the same mall as Dim Sum so my car was still there from noon :D :D
On the way there we saw the coolest car!!!




ITS BUMBLEBEE!!!!! omg!!! lol






Number 4: Curtis. Well.... He sure is a cutie lol.

I havent actually met him so who knows if he would be as great in person or not, OR if he would still be interested in me after meeting me - the later being more important to me.. I still like Kevin too thou, but think Curtis would be a better fit...... from what I know about the 2 of them that is lol. Which isn't really a lot. I know that Kevin smokes - Curtis doesn't. But I also know I'm comfortable with Kevin..... Hmm. But I don't know! I will just play it day by day and see how it goes and where life takes me (:
(But we all know I'll still think too much over this lol)

Number 1: JASPER!!! Wow so much fun!!! Amber and Mandee and myself went to Jasper on Sunday to go snow shoeing, I even called a few days ahead to see if we needed to pre-order the snowshoes and boots or not and checked the weather.... But.. noone thought to check the past forcast!! It had rained 4 days in a row!!!!!!!! The snow had been washed away!! Lol!!!!!!!!! We still had a blast - went to Pyramid Lake as planned only we explored the Island instead of snow shoeing lol :P

more on this one in the next blog (;


~ M e l i s

Hmm ok I promised I'd update on my next day off.
There isn't really too much to update..... Been going hard at the gym and working fulltime.
Haven't found much time for anything else lately!!

Last night I went to the Olympic Torch Relay at Chruchill Square. Was SO much fun!!
It got me pretty pumped up lol still riding that high today!!
Was neat to see the flame in person - would have been awesome to have carried it.
I actually got stuck in traffic behind it's entourage trying to get downtown to the party!!
Almost missed seeing it all together lol!!
How ironic would that have been?? Lol


I'll have to actually do this on the computer one day and not on my iPod so I can make this cool and pretty to read and look at (:


anyways much lovings and remember!!! Ignite some change
~ Melis

How do I breathe w.no air?

Well lately things had been goin down down down. And not in the good way that a guy does. In the way that you feel like shit and think things can't possibly get worse and then the next day you wake up and feel even worse then the day before. That's how I've been lately. I hate that my mood and happiness levels rely completely on how other ppl treat me or how I feel about them.

For example : I shift between being very angry at Mr Kirk Quickstad for leading me on and being extremly upset at him for breaking my heart. I'm also mad at myself for being so dumb as to think I could trust a guy - guys can't be trusted. And the very few who can are already taken by lovely ladies. I also want to just let it go and be with someone else - a Mr Kevin Phillip - but the guy confuses me. We used to date this time last year but it ended up not going anywhere "official" and we simply drifted apart. Now we are both single again and shared a nice night together on new years. I guess my only worry is that things between us are - and have always been - very casual. I find myself thinking of going on dates with him thou. I am upset cause I haven't seen him since new years and everytime I try to set something up for us he can't or cancels. I don't want to have just slept with him once and walk away you know?? That's not how I am - but maybe that's how he is?? He talks about sleeping with me a lot to me. Tells me how he likes it and when I say "ya I understand" he is like "do you? I'll show you just to be sure (;" and I'm like "awe he does actually like me" but then he cancels? I don't get it. I'm trying super hard not to push the matter or anything cause I don't want him to be like "wth? Crazy lady" and ignore me and drift again. But at the same time I really need him right now to be here for me. To replace Kirk. Bad. I know. But I do actually care about Kevin. He is sweet and fun and sexy as hell, and even thou he is only 19 he has so much experience in life. I would like to see where things would go with us - but they might not go anywhere.. And I need to try and know that cause I don't want to be upset over another guy when I'm still way too hurt over the other.... Sighs. Anyways. I will try not to focus on things. It's not easy thou cause it's the main reason I am upset these days.

Anyways.

Ttyl Melissa